My Damn-Near Favorite, Hopelessy Retired Jacket

For some this may be an empty sort of posting, shallow in a way. You may think I need to dig deeper, find more meaning in the things around me. To those who view it as such I say, "Get a life". It's not that big a deal, the experience is funny and you may gain some insight on how ridiculous people can be (including yourself). Lighten up. On with the story...

Have you ever been attached to a piece of clothing that you loved but pretty much didn't love you back? Jeans that were well past their prime (tight, raggedy and all around busted)? A shirt that has holes in all the wrong places, but felt oh so good when you wore it around the house on Saturday?

Well, I held on to wearing a blazer-styled, brown-corduroy jacket for about a year too long. And trust me, it sure didn't love me for it. Call me country, ghetto whatever you want, but if you saw it you'd definitely see why I bought it. It was very much fashionable at the time.

I am digressing just a tad. I am not here to defend my style, but I am here to give you an example of why you should get rid of your old crap.

I should start by saying that the day it was retired I attended a townhall meeting for the then Senator Barack Obama. Or you know, whatever they call those things, I was just going nuts because he was coming. It was in the early part of Spring in '08 and I hadn't yet gone shopping for anything nice and new to wear. Side Note: It's 2009 and I'm still hunting for a nice jacket, I'm determined to find one this time.

The jacket, though a nice fit, color and style, is tired honey. And I was dead wrong for wearing it. Its major flaw was that it has holes on the sides of the pockets. The holes came from my laziness in not wanting to carry a purse and a bookbag around campus. I would stuff my car keys, tin of mints, a fully packed id-holder and whatever else would fit into the pockets, and consequently they started to give on the sides. So I thought it wasn't a big deal. I thought people wouldn't possibly judge me for wearing something mildly shabby and Barack Obama was coming to town. How could they ever be so shallow?

Man, some people looked at me like I was homeless. So I don't have tons of money, but goodness, I haven't slid down that far. The thing is I loved that jacket, it was warm. When it didn't have holes it worked in a very casual, yet very stylish sort of way. The kind of jacket you could wear anywhere: school, church, a club (no I'm just kidding, but back in '06 when I first bought it I'm sure it went from club to church within hours).

I ran into an old classmate, with whom I graduated from high school. When he saw the jacket he seemed to think that maybe, just maybe, I was a complete loser. Oh well, at least I wasn't overdressed. He had on a suit and I still haven't figured out why. Maybe when the class reunion rolls around he'll explain that he sat down and talked with Barack. I won't be holding my breath for that.

I ran into an old teacher, who basically didn't teach me much. He told me in the weirdest way he was glad that I was able to join them for the event. Like for me, even a free event was a stretch. Or like he had something to do with putting the event together. Please. C'mon now, give me a break. It's just a couple of holes. It's not like I smelled of trash and alcohol and was begging for change. Although I had just bought a new car, and I could have used the money.

There were other folks who seemed to have their own opinions about the jacket, but screw 'em.

Not only did my jacket prove how shallow some folk are (mind you I saw a lot of people I knew and most couldn't have cared less) it proved that every single time there is something of substance happening, folks are out to be seen (and see what's what with who). That irritates me to the utmost. But I don't want to start whining and making this all about how people need to change. I have my own flaws, I can't point too many fingers.

However, I still won't be keeping up appearances for folks, I'm not that interested. If I have to go somewhere and look a little tore up when someone important is around then that's exactly what I'm going to do. Why miss out on an opportunity because I need to impress foolish people.

What bothers me now is the fact I really do care about what people think sometimes, but I look at the jacket and I realize how far I took it with the thriftiness. Sometimes it just ain't worth it, now I would have been too through had I met a man at the event. But alas I didn't; the whole manhunt/tired-of-worrying-about-it-and-accepting-being-single battle is another story for another time.

Being more aware of wardrobe choices,
JB

Life is funny

It's been almost two years since I've blogged...that's pretty bad.

I hope this isn't too serious of a posting. I'm not trying to bring anyone down, I just have a lot to get off my chest.

Anyway, I recently had a health scare and my life has changed up a little bit. I've decided not to go back to school for the rest of this semester. I actually have to be medically released to get back in. They told me it should be a month, but that's like forever when papers and mid-terms have passed you by (I am definitely not trying to do mid-terms and finals at the same time). And seeing as I really need a break from life in general, I figure school is not going anywhere, and I can't be kicked out of the program (hopefully). I really need some friggin' down time and I'm takin' it!

The thing is I'm basically living off student loans and I am well aware that we are in a recession. I am determined to find a job regardless--a job that I actually like. I'm sick of working part-time, not adding anything but how to handle jerk skills to resume, waste of time gigs. This time I'm going to find something worthwhile that will hopefully pique my interest--intellectually at least.

It's only been 1 wk and I feel like a bum, like I'm going to be doing absolutely nothing for the next 7 months just waiting for the fall semester to start. I really need to find a way to make this time, w/o a job and w/o classes worthwhile. I am hoping that I will get into some things creatively that I don't typically have time for. I am so tempted to use the sl money for things that I know people would think is stupid, like a video camera. I don't know who's going to be crazy enough to loan me one, but I might be able to make something like that happen.

My instinct is to try and make my dreams happen. Or at least get a running start on them. So when school starts back up I will have actually spent some time with no distractions working on them. But then, I start to thinking about my bills, house bills, and all the extra crap that pops up when you least expect it (like the ER bill that's getting ready to whoop my behind, no insurance=problems). So then I just think, "you gotta be practical, you can't cause your family any extra stress".

When the last thing I want to be is practical. That don't even sound right to me in this moment (yes, the ebonics was very necessary to make you feel the point). I feel like I've given up so much to do so many things I don't want to do, but feel obligated to do, or do so out of love. The last thing on this earth I want to do is worry about the future. But it's always there looming, and letting you know it's about to rear its ugly head in just a few months. And the worst thing about all this, I haven't even tried to pray about the situation seriously. I need to be seeking out Jesus' advice and I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm either too proud or too scared to seek it. It's crazy. And all I want is for things to go right, not perfectly, just good at the end of the day. So I guess either by the end of tonight or in the next few days I am really going to be on my knees begging God to show me a sign, for Jesus to show me the way...cause at this point I don't know what to do with myself.

Thanks for listening.
Ya Girl,
JB