Eyebrow Waxing is Essential...Well, Most of the Time Anyway

I starred in a play this past semester. Okay, so I had the smallest part in a play this past semester. And I had been letting my eyebrows grow in since, like May (very sexy). So of course they needed to be done. And I decided to wait an hour before opening night call time to get waxed, giving myself no time to choose who would wax me. I went to the jankiest spot on earth. These fools need to be arrested.

As I was sitting there in the waiting area I looked at the fish tank, which should be a very calm, positive experience right? No, I could barely see the damn fish the water was so nasty. They were swimming sooooo slow, I kid you not. And every single time they flicked their fins all of the residue and disgustingness from the tank would swish around. Big freakin' red flag.

So, I'm sitting and getting very scared, so I prayed. "Lord, please don't let me have to go to the hospital for an infection." And, you know, also tricking myself. "Well, the owners treat fish this way not people." Enough suspense already. I walk to the waxing room.

"What the fu...., I mean hell!" It's filthy! The little spot where the waxing equipment is, is sitting on top of a towel with little hairs all over it. I'm talking tons, not a few sparse hairs. Waxing sticks are supposed to be used only once. These summabeetches have used them at least thirty times, I mean, one was actually broken. As for the rest of the room mostly everything is just dusty...There's somebody's old prom shoe in the corner (only one, not the full set)... There's a set of chairs the owners have decided not to use, basically just a storage space. But damn it if the waxing space wasn't scary.

So, the chick proceeds to wax me. It felt like she wiped some sort of ointment on my eyebrows afterward, but I'm sure she didn't. That was just for show. Besides the fact that my brows aren't the shape I want them to be, she actually did decent job. The horror experience is over and I'm still alive (I can't help but give the helfa a dollar tip, curse this good heart).

I high-tailed it to the dollar store across the way. "Can you please tell me where to get Cotton balls and Witch Hazel" (an astringent, not a hex). Witch Hazel was a yes. No cotton balls, all sold out. 500 pack of q-tips, thank you Jesus!!! After waiting in line forever, because the chick that was in the front of the line decided to get 50 of everyting I make it to the car. Dip the q-tips in the bottle and rub until my skin almost comes off (yeah, that's a little gross, but I was finally cleansed.). Whew, Hallelujah. I think I'll make it.

So to make a long story even longer. I survived. No emergency room for me. In parting... If your eyebrows are even half way decent wait until you have at least 3 hours to mess around and find a clean professional to wax them. Or call a day ahead and make an appointment.

JB

You never know homey---You need to pump your brakes and drive slow

Wednesday/Thursday, 8-15/16, 2007

We'll get into Thursday first. Rushing to work as usual, I decide to do 60mph on the streets and when I got on the freeway I hiked it up to 80 (in a 55 zone) quickly. When I realized I was in the area where all the Indiana State Police love to hide I tried to slow down. And yeah you guessed it, he got me before I could slow all the way down.

When he came to the window I preceeded to beg him for mercy, teary-eyed. And to my delight he gave me a warning. Now I get to freak out every time I see an State Policeman's car on the freeway, thinking he's going to pull me over and give me that much feared ticket. That's Thursday.

Now on to Wednesday. I left school around 8:45 and it was beginning to storm, and it felt like it was going to be a big one. But me being me, I decide to drive through it anyway (did I mention this is tornado season). At first not much was going on but wind, but then the rain came.... Now I'm usually fine when it's pouring down outside, but even with the windshield wipers on the highest setting I couldn't see a thing and I pulled over.

About 5 mins. later while I was waiting for the storm to pass, it started to feel like I was in one of those weird natural disaster movies like Twister with old girl from Mad About You. The wind was blowing so hard the car was swaying and it felt like it was going to be lifted up in the air. The rain had kind of a tunnel effect going and I couldn't see anything in front or to the side of me and the hail sounded like it was going to crack a windsheild. That woulda been just my luck, a busted windshield and it feels like I'm sitting under Niagra Falls, only one that's about 40 times bigger. During those few minutes all I could think to do was pray.

So after the hail and rain pass I drive home and I realize I stopped at the best possible spot. If I would have stopped further up like I wanted to, I probably would have had a pole fall over on me. I would've been fried (but I would have smelled good because of my coconut/lime lotion). Thankfully, God works everything out and I escaped unscathed.

The rest of the ride home was cool, besides some jerk on the oncoming side of traffic speeding up to keep me from swerving over to save my life and my car when they saw me getting ready to slam into some tree branches . I hate people like that, be polite. Anyway, as soon as I got out of the car what does the rain decide to do? Come down on me as hard as possible. Those were my little adventures for the week, hopefully they'll be no more natural disasters or traffic violations.

Until next time,

JB

Why do old men like me?

I really don't want all of my friends to know about this creepiness so I'll just tell you. So, I'm trying to be a good Christian and go to church every Sunday right, but there is this one thing that annoys me--HORNY OLDER DUDES. I am totally over it. The last thing I want to do when I come to church is get molested. And the guy I'm specifically talking about does it before I can enter the church. At least I can feel cleansed by the time service is over. He thinks he's smart by copying off of an older gentleman who hugs me every Sunday and treats me like I'm his niece. You think you nickel slick, but I got yo' penny change (rent Big Mama's House).
I just needed to get this off of my chest.